I'm sure many of you so called men are sick of hearing about how boys so be raised to respect women. Oh well. If you're a man, you shouldn't have to be sick of hearing it, you should be helping us change it.
Well, let me tell you something…. us women are sick of you so called men being disrespectful to women so much that we have to raise our sons to be respectful. We shouldn't have to instill respect to our sons if they had men in their lives that respect women.
This isn't going to be a bash men post, it's a post about how I demand my sons to respect women.
As much as I know some women would love for me to do that, but because I know there are far more men out there that do respect women and treat all of the women in their lives with the utmost respect, love and care. This WILL be a post that tells you WHY us women have to raise our sons to be respectful.
Being a single mother for so many years, I have tried extremely hard to raise my children, my sons, my ONLY sons, to be respectful to women. Now, that doesn't mean that they let a female give them any crap and just take it. I'm not raising a son who is going to not know how to stand up for himself.
I don't care if my sons grow up to be dominant or submissive in a relationship, but they will stand up for themselves, just like I would teach my daughter (if I ever have one) to stand up for herself. That's an entirely different subject though.
I was in 3 abusive relationships in my life.
One in high school. He controlled everything. What I wore, what I was allowed to participate in, who I was allowed to hang out with, and even intimacy. I was finally after 2 1/2 yrs able to get away. A miscarriage was caused by the abuse he caused. Between smacking me around and the stress, I lost the baby. Thinking back, I'm grateful. I wouldn't want to share a baby with a monster like him. He was by far the worse.
My second was my oldest son's bio father. He would take my car and leave for hours, sometimes over night, leave me stranded unable to go to work, get food for our son, etc. One time I stood up for myself and he backhanded me and I hit my head on the apartment door. I grabbed what I could and hit him back. 2 of his friends watched. That was the last time he touched me. It was also the end of the relationship and his “friends” became my friends and protected me and helped me a lot when he left.
My last abusive relationship was my youngest son's bio-father. (Yeah I know…. I picked real winners huh?) He was financially abusive, until I wouldn't let him control the money anymore. Then he became emotionally and physically abusive. I remember one time he put his hands on me, a friend of ours jumped in between us to keep him from hitting me and I literally CLIMBED over the friend and punched my ex in his head. Both just stood there shocked because of what I did. But I wasn't going to stand there and let someone ruin me again.
This was the last abusive relationship I was in. I stood my ground.
Any guy I talked to after my ex I told them “Either you respect me to NEVER put your hands on me, or you walk away right now! If you EVER thing you're going to put your hands on me, you can think again!”
Ever since my ex and I split up, I've been hell bent on raising my sons to be respectful of women. Now don't get that twisted, because I've also raised them to understand that being respectful doesn't mean letting a woman walk all over them either.
Women, there is a difference!
You can't have a man being respectful to you constantly, if you're just going to be disrespectful to him. If you want to be respected, you better respect others. I remember when I first started “dating” I was a mouthy (a lot worse than I am now) female who would run my mouth and run my mouth until guys had enough and would either end things with me, or hit me. (Not condoning physical abuse by giving an excuse) It wasn't until my youngest son's father hit me for the last time after I pestered him that I realized “I'm just as much at fault for this abusive relationship as he is!” I'll admit I verbally abused a few guys in my dating days.
This is when I STOPPED and realize what I was teaching my sons!
I was teaching my sons that it's okay for a woman to bad mouth you, walk all over you, use you, abuse you and you're supposed to just accept that's how things work.
BUT IT'S NOT!
No one deserves any of that. Definitely not men who are trying their hardest to provide, love, and be everything you want them to be, and vice versa. Men, you can't abuse, degrade, walk all over, bad mouth, or use a woman and expect her to be okay with it. None of this is okay.
When my oldest started dating, I explained to him what I expected out of him.
- RESPECT – Always respect yourself first, then it's much easier to respect someone else. This is something you have to give at least a tiny sliver of respect to everyone. Once there is trust, you can give them more and more as they earn it.
- LISTEN – Listen to your gut and mind. What it's telling you could be a game changer. Also, listen to the other person. They're not speaking to themselves. They are speaking to you, so open your ears and let their words sink into your brain.
- EDUCATION – Make sure you learn and keep learning. Everything out there has a lesson for you. It's up to you to understand that lesson. Educate yourself on what the person who you are dating likes, dislikes, enjoys, doesn't enjoy, who their best friends are, favorite color, sport, etc.
- SACRIFICE – You're going to have to sacrifice a few things (ie: playing video games every Friday Night with your friends, etc). They are going to have to also. It's called give & take. Just don't keep taking. That is selfish and not a good thing at all. Over giving is also not a good thing it gives that person a free pass to keep taking what you may or may not give them.
- TALK – This is just as important as listening. Discuss your feelings, likes, dislikes, how it felt when someone treated you a certain way, etc. Heck, just talking about your favorite TV show that you watch together can and will help build your relationship.