Being a single mother hasn't always been hard, there were happy times as well as sad.
Definitely a lot of struggles and trials as well. I don't want anyone to think that from the moment my boys were born until today my life has been turmoil. It hasn't. We've had lots of fun times. We've made great memories.
Sure, we don't go on vacations to Disney World or get to go to Amusement Parks it's go have fun and spend rent money, or pay for rent and have a roof over our heads. We went to parks often.
If I had the day off on the days they had field trips I went on every single one. I spoiled them in ways I wasn't spoiled growing up. I made sure that I was with them as much as I could be. I rarely let anyone babysit the boys unless it was for me to work.
I didn't go out to the bars or parties with my friends because my Friday Nights were movie nights that consisted of pizza, popcorn, and chocolate milk with my boys. I lost many “friends” because of this. Did I care at the time? Sure. I don't now. I didn't need friends who couldn't understand that my life was 100% about my boys and my happiness. They were happy, so I was happy.
Fast forward to the fall of 2010.
I met this fantastic and wonderful man, Jason. The first time we met, it was while breaking my cardinal rule of not introducing the kids to any guy I dated until we knew we were getting serious. I introduced him to the boys the first day we met. I know, horrible mother.
Our “first date” was him coming over and helping the boys and I bake cookies for Christmas. Seriously, no joke. Though he sat and “supervised” more than helped us bake cookies. We still had a blast. After baking cookies, we went with him to a “friendsgiving” get together with his friends. It was horribly awkward. Drinking, smoking, etc was done all while kids were there and it made me horribly uncomfortable. I asked him to take the boys and I home. I couldn't handle it.
We talked a few days later and I told him “I'm sorry, I think we are just at different points in our lives, you're still in that partying phase and I'm in the looking to settle down and get married phase. Maybe in the future we will be on the same path, but I can't date someone who has friends like yours. I don't mean to sound shallow, but I need someone who is on the same level as I am.”
After a month of not talking to each other, I reached out and apologized for how I acted. I couldn't get him off my mind. There was a connection and I didn't want my impression of his friends to ruin something that
could potentially be great.
Glad I reached out, the rest is history after that day!
After 3 months of dating. I asked him to move in with us. Things were already proving to be promising. The boys LOVED him. About a month after he moved in my oldest and him were outside working on his car in the driveway and Jason asked my son to hand him a tool. My son said “Sure Daddy!” Now, before y’all get up in arms over this. We explained immediately that he was NOT replacing their birth fathers and they were supposed to call him Jason.
So my oldest calls Jason “Daddy”. We bring him and his brother in and sit him down at the kitchen table and have a talk with both of them. Explain to them that again, we want them to call him Jason not Daddy because he’s not their Daddy and even though we’re in love, we still are getting used to living together, and Jason having a “ready made” family, but if they felt 100% comfortable with calling him Daddy, that was completely up to them but at their own time. Not this soon.
I would say within a month both of my boys were calling Jason, Daddy. We just let it ride out. We talked it over again and agreed at that point that there was no point in fighting it any longer. We had already talked about marriage, buying a house together, and so on. It was bound to happen, right?
About 6 months after dating, we got officially but unofficially engaged, meaning we agreed we were engaged, but there wasn’t a ring or any formal on bent knee. So we joked for a 1 1/2 years that we were officially unofficially engaged. Everyone got it.
The boys started asking:
“Is Daddy going to be our Daddy forever?”
“Do you mean is Daddy going to adopt you and give you his name like I’m getting his last name when we get married?”
“Yes,because we want him to be our forever Daddy. He teaches us things, talks with us, takes us to the park, to school, and is there when we wake up in the morning and sometimes when we’re going to sleep if he’s not working late.”
That is the point when we started researching adoption. Leave it to the great state of Ohio to make it something you have to jump through hoops to have done. We had to be married for at least one year before the paperwork could even be turned in. Both of their bio-logical fathers have to sign away rights, child support, etc.
So in other words, we can't wait to tell my kids bio-father's “Hey, sign on the dotted line, You’ll have at least one less kid you don’t have to pay to take care of!”
Yup, this is my family. Apparently my husband thought he was going try to scare me one last time before we said I do! Yes our pictures were done before we said I do!
Needless to say, it hasn’t happened yet. We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary in October 2015. We’re waiting for a little bit longer to get the paperwork rolling. Not because we don’t want to, but we think it would be best for the kids.
At this point my boys are sort of okay with the fact that they haven't been adopted yet by my husband. They know they are loved, he is their Daddy, and that he's not leaving. It's more than just getting papers signed and they understand this. They know that they won't get child support anymore from their biological fathers and that it would cut into things that we do already because of the loss of income. They would lose almost $30k in back support that is owed to the two of them. My husband and I are fine with the amount being tossed. We don't want strings attached anymore. Would it be a struggle, heck yeah! Losing $400+ in income that you do rely on to help with clothes, food, etc is a decent amount of loss for us. But we've made it through a bigger amount of loss before and we'll survive! I truly feel that my husband and I can overcome so much together. We've been through so much at the beginning of our relationship and it only made us stronger.
Thank you for reading my story. I know it's been long and crazy… but I had to get it off my “chest” so to speak! If you're going through any of this or know someone, please seek someone or help them seek someone to talk to about everything. I didn't have anyone I could really talk to about all this because no one I knew understood what I was going through. Many people thought that I was being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. That is until they actually saw everything for themselves.