Ever hear of the saying “Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?”
I was fooled twice by two different males, third time won't happen!
Here's the story:
My oldest son’s father decided at one point that I was an unfit mother because I had lost my job of 5+ years, my youngest son’s father walked out on me the same day, and 3 months later I was getting evicted from our home because I was not able to keep up with the rent. According to him I couldn't provide at all for our son. Little did he know, I already had another home ready to be moved into. We had food, clothes, utilities, etc. He insisted that I had NOTHING and that I was homeless with two kids. Which was far from the truth.
Was I struggling?
Of course I was struggling, I had to apply for assistance just to provide for the boys.
Was I worried about the future?
Of course, if you don’t you’re not human.
Did he ever once come to see where we were living, going to live? Nope, he picked my son up at the old house, went right to the courts and accused me and I received a letter from the court saying that he was granted emergency temporary custody on ground that I was homeless and that he feared for my son’s safety.
After a long court battle (I got my son back immediately once I proved him wrong) and LOTS of stress. I won. Without a lawyer I must add. I did all of my own research. Typed up all of the paperwork myself. So on. Was I nervous? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't! If I didn't do what I did; I was not going to see my son off to school, kiss him goodnight, help him with his math, go for walks with him and his brother, and all of the other things I do every single day with him. Going weeks, or even months; without my son was not what I was going to allow and I was willing to fight to keep him and I did.
After winning in court, my ex only saw our son a handful of times after that. That was all because his now ex-wife was driving to pick my son up and bringing him back home. That’s when we finally started to bond. We became really good friends.
Honestly, I credit her so much for being there for me and our son (she's his step-mom, he's her mom too after all) after everything. Once we both realized the lies, deciet and utter bullshit he put us through, we came together and bonded. She asked me if she could still have Manny in the summer for at least a couple weeks. We wanted to keep things as normal for all of the kids (she had 2 daughters with my ex) and having my son in the summer was normal. She only requested 2 weeks, I gave her 6. Why? Our ex never requested by the date set by the courts.
Now, my youngest son.
He has very little memories of his father. I’m torn on that. In a way I’m glad because that means I don’t have to hear “Well, Papi and I used to do this and that” all the time anymore. In another sense, I wish I would hear “Papi and I did this and that this weekend” like my oldest used to do when he came home from his father’s house on the weekends (you know when he actually went).
He's lied about going to Disney World, France, New York (he must get that one from his bio, because he ALWAYS lied about being from NY), and many other places. He's also told people about how he has a car sitting in storage for when he turns 16. Oh and the list goes on and on.
We’ve been through 5 psychologists.
All have said he’s a pathological liar with narcissistic tendencies, has anti-social personality disorder, and has oppositional defiant disorder. Isn't it great? That’s exactly what I wanted to hear about my child. They have all said that he blocks out the past so well because he’s covered them with perfect images of his father being around. In other words, he’s lied to himself so much and so hard that he now believes every lie he says and has said in the past.
I had one therapist tell me “Well, obviously he went to these places. I mean, what 8yr old knows these things so well? He's so clear about them!” When I told her “He's only been with his father maybe 3 times and it was for less than 48hrs. I doubt that he's EVER been to any of those places.” She called me a liar. Because you know, a mother knows nothing about her child. Needless to say, she was not a therapist for very long.
Don't get me wrong, my youngest son, despite the pain in the butt he is; he's still a fantastic kid. Super intelligent. Reads a few grade levels above his. Loves school, gets great grades and as long as things are going great, they are great. When things are bad though, they are B.A.D.
With all that being said. My kids are finally seeing that they need to stop living in the past and how their father’s have treated me and more importantly treated them. They are not pawns to be passed around or used. I’ve never used my kids as pawns. I don’t believe in it. I’ve never once said “If you don’t stay with me you’re never going to see your son again”. It’s just not healthy.